That Certainly Didn't Last Very Long

It would have been more accurate to title that last post as "We're (Going To Be) Back, Bitches!".

The discussion in our apartment went something like (read: exactly like) this. Imagine the Gammy part as being yelled through a hallway, up a flight of stairs and at my closed door while a sick Me is trying to go to sleep at 8:30pm.

Gammy: We're back bitches!
Me (internal): What the fuck is he yelling about?
Me (out loud): What the fuck are you yelling about?
Gammy: TDC, baby!
Me (to myself): Oh...

And Canada wasn't home so that's how it all happened. Magical, isn't it?

Now, I hadn't planned on posting anything until our fantasy draft in March but since Gammy made the post and decided to blueball all of our readers (hi Ed) by not saying anything else for 15 days I'm going to take the time to drop some knowledge up in this bitch.

In actual news, the third iteration of our fantasy baseball league has begun!

This year, titled "Tampa3 - Rays of Death", we have a 12-team head to head 8x8 stat category clusterfuck going on which (I think) can be viewed here. After much internal discussion the stat categories are as follows:

• Hits - Fucking, duh.
• Runs - Number of runs scored.
• Runs Batted In - Also fucking, duh.
• Home Runs - The single most valuable thing an offense can produce.
• Stolen Bases - Gives value to fast guys who can't hit.
• Batting Average - The chance that a batter gets a hit.
• On-base Percentage - The chance that a batter does not make an out.
• Slugging Percentage - The number of bases gained per at-bat.
• Wins - 20 of these are equal to one Cy Young award.
• Saves - The reason people think Todd Jones and Joe Borowski are good pitchers.
• Holds - There are such things as pitchers between the starter and the closer. Who knew?
• Strikeouts - Good pitchers have lots of these.
• Earned Run Average - This is very dependent on a team's defense and luck but nobody seems to notice or care.
• Walk + Hit/Innings Pitched - The number of baserunners allowed by a pitcher per inning.
• Strikeout/Walk - Ratio of strikeouts to walks.
• Strikeout/9 Innings Pitched - Ratio of strikeouts per nine innings pitched.

We left Heart, Scrap, Grit, Shortness and Whiteness off of the list this season. Whoever drafts David Eckstein is going to be sorely disappointed.